YOU GUYS. You must check out this site:

What Did David Bowie Do at Your Age?

It's depressing and wonderful all at once. 

At my age he "starred in the film "Just A Gigolo", Marlene Dietrich’s last film. It was directed by David Hemmings."

Ughhhhhhhh.

But don't worry, it's not like he was a musical prodigy at age 5 or anything, because at that age he "had a horrible accident with a cup of tea, and refuse[s] to drink it to this day." How very un-British of you, David.

Many thanks to my BFF Andrea for sending me this link and making my day.