I recently had a very sobering realization: part of being an adult means never being bored ever again. Or in other words: there is always something to be done.

I live in a world of endless to-do lists and tasks. Even my weekends — that time when we’re supposed to relax, I think — often start with Lucas and I making actual, physical to-do lists on paper. Because the weekend is when you catch up on all the things you didn’t do during the week while you were doing your at-work to-do lists.

And even once we’re beyond the to-do lists, our relaxation and entertainment options are endless. Which book should I read? Which of the nine streaming shows that I’m slowly watching should I jump back into? Or maybe I want to go out, but what should I go out and experience?

A lot of this is a privilege: I live in a city full of exciting things to do and in an apartment overflowing with books and magazines and Apple TV options. And some is my own unique personality: I’m a classic Libra who can’t easily make decisions and I’m really good at anxious overthinking.

But still. I truly can’t remember the last time I was bored. Maybe when I was in the hospital 13 years ago? Even then, boredom would usually just lead to a nap. I think the closest I’ve come is when I’m traveling, because then I’m away from all the to-dos and shoulds. But if I’m traveling, I’m filling my days with new experiences and new things to explore. And if those things fail me, I always have my iPhone full of emails, news, and social media.

If you are a grown person who still gets bored, please tell me… how? Do you watch less than nine shows at a time? Do you have to-do lists that you can successfully ignore? Do you enlist help from others? Do you — gasp — not have to-do lists?? Maybe in posing these possibilities I’ve answered my own questions, although they still seem impossible.

Maybe the bigger, scarier thought is: do I actually want to be bored? Could I let myself? What would a life without lists and options look like? I truly don’t know. But I’m ready to at least imagine it.